my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
