Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
