The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
