Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the day after is always just damage control
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He shit in the fireplace
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
