You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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