i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
