I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
