Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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