I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
