I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
