i think i have herpe
just one?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
