i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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