I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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