That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
