My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
