you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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