when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Small penises have feelings too.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
