I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
