I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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