I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
