he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
