He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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