Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
