My first STD was from a foam party
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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