***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
