We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
