I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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