The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
