I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
