he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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