Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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