She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
