We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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