OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
