We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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