u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
