lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
