I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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