I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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