xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
