I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
