Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
