I skipped work to stalk him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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