you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
