I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
