if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
