so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wear drunk well.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
