I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
