Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
