he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
