so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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