she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
