My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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