Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
