I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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