I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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