he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
