all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
