I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
