The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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